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Air Traffic Control: A game played by airline pilots and air traffic controllers. Algorithm: The Vice President of the Unites States of America attempting to sing doo-wop. Alien: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself. Another war debt a lot of husbands would like to see cancelled; 3. American Way: Using instant coffee to dawdle away an hour. Ant: A small insect that, though always at work, still finds time to go to picnics. Antique Collector’s Song: “You take the highboy and I’ll take the lowboy. Apocalipstick: What your wife found on your shirt collar just before she kicked you out of the house. A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but he just hasn’t realized it yet; 4. Arse Antlers: A tattoo just above the buttocks, having a central section and curving extensions on each side. Fire caused by friction between the insurance policy and the mortgage; 2. A young man who has perfected the delicate art of avoiding the issue; 45. Back: That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity. The game has no rules, and neither side knows how it is played, but the goal is to prevent flights from arriving in time for passengers to make connecting flights. Airhead: What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman. Airplane: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-year-old to eat strained beets. Alimentary Canal: The passage through the human body from which President Reagan’s ’trickle down’ theory of economics was based. Antique Furniture: What you get from living with children. A place where the landlord and the tenant are both trying to raise the rent; 2. Apocryphal: A statement or story which is widely circulated, believed to be true, but probably isn’t. An exchange of ignorance (see also Discussion - an exchange of knowledge). The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith. Army Captain: A uniform with two chips on each shoulder. Arpeggio: The story book kid with the big nose that grows. Back Four Seconds: What a clock does when it’s hungry. AALST: One who changes his name to be nearer the front. Abligo: One who prides himself on not even knowing what day of the week it is. Abscond: To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. The period when a girl begins to powder and a boy begins to puff; 8. A man who doesn’t believe in putting off until tomorrow what can be dunned today; 2. Blinky-Eyed: How you get when you’re trying to ignore the bed’s call. Blithbury: A look someone gives you which indicates that they’re much too drunk to have understood anything you’ve said to them in the last twenty minutes. Bonds Of Matrimony: Worthless unless the interest is kept up. Book (Best Seller): The gilded tomb of a mediocre talent. A fellow who’ll raise the roof before he’ll raise your salary; 3. A mutual affliction of brain damage for the amusement of the public. One who does not think that anything should be done for the first time; 6. Consolation: The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself. Someone who borrows your watch then tells you what time it is; 2. Copyright Defined Coquette: A woman without a heart, who makes a fool of a man who has no head. A profession for which you have to take a Stiff exam.

A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth of power. Someone who would rather have a small role than a long loaf; 7. Actor’s Agent: A guy who sometimes bites the ham who feeds him. Admissions Office: Where you’re taken to admit that you’ve mooned the keynote speaker during ’new student weekend.’ Admonition: 1. A period in which children begin to question the answers; 4. Biscuit Dough: A primitive adhesive used extensively and successfully by brides to prevent loss of their wedding bands. Blonde Joe-ks: Joe-ks that are short so men can understand them. Occurs when the person you are speaking with won’t let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed. Boaster: A person with whom it is sooner done than said. BP: Company in Gulf of Mexico that turns your barbecue into a tarbecue. The thing you are forced to use if you haven’t much formal education; 3. What a man looks for in a wife, after not using any in selecting one; 2. Briefcase: A trial where the jury gets together and forms a lynching party. An inner voice that warns us somebody is looking; 17. Consciousness-Raising: The fine art of teaching well-adjusted citizens to view themselves as victims of oppression.

Aboriginies: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. Absecon: An annual conference held at the Cobalt Hotel, Vancouver, for people who haven’t got any other conferences to go to. When a boy has reached the state when he knows why a strapless gown must be held up, but doesn’t understand how; 9. That which makes you think you’ve longed all your life for something you never even heard of; 2. The fine art of making you think you have longed all your life for something you never heard of before; 4. The science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it. Something which we give by the bushel but take by the grain; 2. Bathing Suit, Modern: Two bandannas and a worried look. A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning; 2. A man whom few care to see but many ask to call again. Book Censor: A person who reads so much he gets asterisks in front of his eyes. The guy who watches the clock during the coffee break; 4. Bowling Alley: A quiet place of amusement where you can hear a pin drop. A jobless person who shows executives how to work; 3. The only person who can do what everyone else would like to do - pat himself on the back. Core Storage: A receptacle for the center section of apples. Coronary Bypass: When the king’s youngest son is crowned instead of the eldest. Corporal: As high as you go and still have friends. Coupe D’Etat: The forcible takeover of a government by someone in a 2-door car.

Absent: The notation generally following your name in a class record. Absolute Zero: The lowest grade you can get on a test. When boys begin to notice that girls notice boys who notice girls; 10. The age when a girl’s voice changes from no to yes; 12. Advertising Agency: Eighty-five percent confusion and fifteen percent commission. That which the wise don’t need and fools won’t take; 3. A garment with no hooks but plenty of eyes on it; 2. The only place in a government agency where the bureaucrats usually know what they are doing; 3. When a man marries a beautiful girl and a good cook; 6. Bilious: That nauseated feeling you get when you open the mail the first of the month. Billow: What you sleep on when you have a bad cold. Biplane: The advice I got from my mother on purchasing underwear. Book Ends: The part of a book many girls read first. Book Review: A brief but informative essay that spares readers the ordeal of digesting an actual book. Books Never Written Bookworm: A person who would rather read than eat, or a worm that would rather eat than read. Boomerang Workers: Retirees returning to their previous employer. One who insists upon talking about himself when you want to talk about yourself; 10. A personal dictator appointed to those of us fortunate enough to live in free societies. Someone who knows 101 ways to make love, but can’t get a date; 4. Contraceptive: A labor-saving device to be worn on every conceivable occasion. What you tell the police officer after the burglar has already escaped. Corn-On-The-Cob: The stuff you eat like you play a mouth organ. Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. Counter-Irritant: The woman who shops all day and buys nothing. Country: A damp sort of place where all sorts of birds fly about uncooked.

An art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing; 2. ADA: Something you need only know the name of to be an expert in computing. Provider of decisio Administratiumns that are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. An independent state, highly taxing yet often insolvent, located just beyond comprehension; 2. Blotter: Something you look for while the ink dries. Bozone Layer: The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops bright ideas from penetrating. A game in which a wife is always eager to do her husband’s bidding. Bronchitis: Fear of the Broncos winning the Super Bowl again. Something that makes you tell your mother before your sister does; 15. Cousin: The relative most likely to be responsible for your trouble.

Rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file; 3. Brevity: Words that cover more ground than they occupy. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. A game which gives women something to try to think about while they are talking; 3. What makes you tell your wife before someone else does; 10. That part of the psyche that dissolves in alcohol; 12. A still, small voice that tells you when you are about to get caught; 14. When a fellow gets so wrapped up in a girl that it’s easy to tie the knot.

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